On Tupac’s “In The Depths Of Solitude: Dedicated To Me” — A Confrontation Of (Internal) Conflict
A rose rooted in depths
“In The Depths Of Solitude: Dedicated To Me” — Tupac Shakur
i exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
constantly yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
never comprising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
a young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
how can i be in the depths of solitude
when there r 2 inside of me
this duo within me causes
the perfect oppurtunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity
One of the most influential figures in hip-hop music and even debated by many to be the best rapper of all time, Tupac Shakur’s short-lived career left a lasting impression on American culture. Every move he made was speculated by the public eye, and every word spoken continues to greatly impact and steer the future of not only rap culture, but also the culture of our society. What separated Tupac from other top-tier artists was that outside of his musical career he was a uniquely forceful spirit, which can be observed in all of his work, from music, acting, and poetry. The public’s obsession with Tupac and one of the main reasons for the intrigue in by so many in his work, is his inherently paradoxical personality. He often rapped about being a gangster and how he was proud of that lifestyle, while just as equally rapped and wrote poems about love and addressed societal issues that were prevalent at the time. There was a hard side to him and soft side to him, and they could not always coexist. He had morals that he firmly believed in and stood for, as well as goals derived from those morals; he was a young black man in America who had the courage and drive to combat injustice and fight for change. With his determination and success, however, came the struggles paired with the pressures of being in the public eye and in an unforgiving industry. His identity was conflicted and paradoxical, and the troubles he faced can be best examined in his writing. In his poem, “In The Depths Of Solitude: Dedicated 2 Me,” Tupac’s use of dualities and parallel structure emphasize the internal conflict that so burdened him, rooted in being an African-American man in America that rose to fame and power; through his rhetorical devices, he moves us in his contemplative journey from exterior to interior, divulging deeper into the factors that cannot seem to coexist.
The title of this poem, “In The Depths Of Solitude: Dedicated 2 Me,” provides the subject of solitude. The word “solitude” is defined by a state of loneliness with no human interaction. To put solitude into a more metaphorical, vivid image, it is described to be a place of depths. Depths, usually used to describe oceans or dark holes of the like was used portray his state of mind. He is in deep thought, and the nature of these thoughts are dark and physically deep, to the point he is incapable of coming out of them or reaching for and receiving help from anyone. He is in a state of loneliness and the only way of getting out of these depths is by helping himself. The second part of the title is a dedication of himself. Dedications are an act of addressing and giving out of thoughtfulness. With this dedication, he his trying to help himself out, and lets his readers know that the purpose of this poem was to do just that. The number 2 is used in the title, and is often used as an alternate way of writing his name, 2Pac. The dedication also works to introduce his main tool for emphasizing his personal conflicts.
The opening lines of Tupac’s poem capture Tupac’s pensive mood as he tries to set what his true goal actually is. He begins with “I exist” to show his awareness of where he is first. Existence implies a sense of survival, and the fact that he his in a certain objective reality. He goes on to contemplate his goal, which contextually should bring up his outward conflict in the music industry as speculated by the rest of the world through the media. Contextually, this conflict was the infamous bicoastal rivalry between Bad Boy Records and Death Row Records, the latter being Tupac’s own label. This “competition inspired paranoia” due to greed leading to violence, and Tupac needed a way to adapt to that in order to cope with all that was surrounding him, even if it meant strengthening a part of him that he did not accurately identify with (Chang, 583). Amidst his competition and outright verbal war with the east coast rivals, Tupac accessed a persona that was hyper-masculine and violent (Iwamoto, 44). This became his “Thug Life” staple that allowed him to be strong, dominant, and representative of other urban city gang members, which he used for his ultimate effectiveness of being a public figure and aesthetic as an icon, as there is a lack of diversity when it comes to accepted archetypes when it comes to media culture (Iwamoto, 45). With this established as his identity under the public eye, if it was not representative of what Tupac believed he really was, feelings of conflict would naturally arise. The industry’s control of hip-hop culture (Tupac’s career included) and role in society created a tension. This outward tension between the culture and monopoly created a polarizing conflict that probably left Tupac in frustration (Chang, 591). The frustration he experienced came from yet another conflict that existed in him. Tupac’s personality was actually much more sensitive, and he was a “progressive person who was more knowledgeable than most people gave him credit for” (Iwamoto, 44). Tupac’s most genuine form of himself was suppressed through what the music industry’s requirements and public’s microscope pressure. The truest, rawest forms of him were drowning in something superficial. The dominant superficiality and the inability to carry its weight initiate the thoughts behind this poem, as he wonders how he can live life with such an internally intense emotional war. Faced with this frustration, Tupac’s aims to remedy all around him through his meditation, but must first address the causes of his frustration, on a deeper more psycho-emotional level.
Moving through the establishment of deep introspection, we arrive at the part of his poem where Tupac tries to “find peace of mind,” and he continues on to rhyme “goal” with “soul” to emphasize that the goal he his pondering his right in front of him: the preservation of his soul. This self-preservation would prove to be difficult, especially to the part of him that is “yearning to be accepted” in a desire of respect from all. He comes to realize that he will never compromise who he his, but the riskiness of doing so is his only regret. This conflict of outward perception not aligning with personal reality is what W.E.B. Du Bois describes as double-consciousness, which is “this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity” (Du Bois, 8). Double consciousness is further explained to be a sense of “unreconciled strivings” and “warring ideals” in a singular body, and the consistent struggle to “merge his double-self into a better and truer self. In this merging he wishes neither of the older selves to be lost (Du Bois, 9). The explanation of double consciousness reveals Tupac’s earlier struggle of preserving his soul. He has to live life through the eyes of others, and has to act according to those views. At the same time, he does not want to lose the person he actually is as he moves on in life. The complete preservation his identity, in spite of what he is expected to do by others, is his goal, and he has brought us through the entire process of contemplation and revealed the duality of being young with a soul that has an entire history preceding its physical existence.
Tupac begins to move away from his contemplative state to acknowledge a fact that he seems to be aware of, expressed in a metaphorical line that holds duality. “A young heart with an old soul” is what he describes himself to be. This line is first packed with double implications, first with the word “heart.” Heart first implies itself as an organ of the human body, physicality and the first actual one in this poem as everything prior to this has seemed to have a non-physical mental nature. The physicality of heart brings meaning to Tupac’s actions. Tupac in reality was acting in such a way that was “drawing on the stylish machismo of pop culture to make a point; countering authority with dramatic gestures of defiance; linking the question of respect to morality; highlighting, perhaps even exaggerating, the degree of emotional injury to justify rebellion” (Dyson, 60). It his clear that his actions of rebellion are not consistent with the “thug life” actions of prestige through crime, money, and fame. The word “young” is generally associated with being tireless and progressive with places to go and growth to foster, and when paired with the word “heart” and all its implications, it is clear that Tupac was zealous in his actions, forceful and untiring in what he believed in. In further introspection, these actions are seen past the surface level, and can be taken more contextually and considered with his original motives for defiance.
The second part of dualities comes in the latter part of the previously discussed line, in the part that reads “an old soul.” In this part of the poem, we return back to a state of metaphysics again, with the main subject being Tupac’s soul. The word “soul” is derived from a meaning that usually implies a life force that fills the physical body. Further, that spirit remains even if the physical body deteriorates and lives on. Soul is also often times associated with things of African-American ethnic culture and pride, and with all the former meanings put into one, we can assume that the vintage soul is one that gives meaning and purpose behind the physical actions of the body implied by his “young heart.” The roots of his action come from all that was imposed on him as a male black youth in America. Moreover, with the history of the civil rights movement, Tupac felt inclined to continue in fighting for justice, and can even be seen as born into the movement itself. Born the son of two high-ranking Black Panthers, his dilemmas are rooted in “probing the ideals with which he was reared and that shaped his life for better and for worse. What did it mean to be a child of the Black Panthers, to have a postrevolutionary childhood?” (Dyson, 58). Tupac was born into a life of revolution that was passionate about the civil rights movement, imposed on him by his family as a reaction to the flaws and history of our society. The pressure he may felt even more so than others due to his pedigree in a movement that existed so long before he was even born. This is the “old soul” that Tupac is talking about. The souls of all that came before him that are relying on the actions and capability of his “young heart,” and with that as something that will never leave his identity, Tupac takes further steps to affirm his actions in recognition of what his goals truly are.
Tupac moves along in his thoughts, and he brings us along in process, emphasizing his progress through parallel structures. The first line of his poem states “I exist in the depths of solitude,” and as he moves through the poem rather than stating, a second time around he instead asks, “ how can I be in the depths of solitude?” This line is a shifter, where his language turns from contemplative and inward to more outward and interrogative. The use of this question shows much of what is going on in Tupac’s head, and also the very nature of his thought processes: frustrated and in need of answers. The question is rhetorical; he is asking out of the frustration that comes from so many dualities and so many conflicts that he cannot seem to come to a resolution. While taken as a frustration, the alteration of the first line into a question can be use as an indicator of the progress he’s made in his thinking, which can be clarified in the next line.
With the only interrogative question of the poem read, the meaning and intent behind it can be clarified in the line that follows. After he asks, “how can I be in the depths of Solitude” he further clarifies the question with, “when there R 2 inside me.” With this statement, he confirms his acknowledgement and continues to do so for the rest of the poem expressing his comfort with its presence within him. The 2 as one number rather than separate entities emphasizes the singularity of the “The Duo” he recognized in the following line. At this point in his introspective journey, the dualities that have so burdened him and have remained as opposing forces are solidified as singular objects that exist within himself. “The Duo” is capitalized to be treated as a proper noun, to further emphasize that the duo inside him is as much a part of his identity as anything else. He now knows that his identity is all-encompassing and inclusive of all of these aforementioned dualities and conflicts. He forces us to recognize them no longer as opposing forces that cannot coexist, but as pieces of the complex human that he is that now work in harmony. He is at peace.
The use of the number two and dualities continue as he closes his poem, but now he uses them to differently. Tupac uses the number two to show and multiplied acceleration of speed when he says he has the opportunity to live “twice as fast.” With all that is inside of him, his old soul and young heart, his role as a civil rights revolutionary, and face of the glamorized “thug life” he uses to remain present in the public eye, he is using what he thought to be roadblocks and struggles as a means of excelling, and shows why the coexisting presence of his multiple components are beneficial and actually an advantage. His final line compares himself to those accept simplicity, and by “living twice as fast” he has more experiences and opportunities to fulfill all that is inside of him. By the end of his poem, he completely transformed problematic weaknesses to the polar opposite: unique and progressive strengths that only he can utilize.
“In The Depths Of Solitude: Dedicated 2 Me” is an exploratory poem that takes readers on an insightful journey through a mind that is lonely and in search for a solution for inner conflict. Tupac’s use of the number two emphasized these conflicts, and the dualities in language beautifully portrayed the extensiveness and intensity of them. In the span of this poem, we are moved from thought to thought, contemplation to realization through every emotion felt in between through his rhetorical strategies. The portrayal of his struggle revealed the emotional war inside of Tupac that stemmed from all that he had to uphold in life. He struggled with the false perception that fame put on him, and adopted an image of him that was far from his actually intellectual and sensitive disposition. There were also many duties and morals he sought to uphold in order to counter the maltreatment of African-Americans living in the impoverished urban setting, amongst street violence and crime. Born into this moral obligation by his parents who were black panthers, there was an even bigger sense of the need to take actions toward social justice. These are all very heavy weights for any one person to carry, and the goals involved put Tupac in a place where he felt lost and confused, with so many perceptions by so many different people that he felt alone thinking no one knew the real him. This was his loneliness, his solitude that is the foundation and main point of his poem. He had to learn how to balance between softness and hardness, thug life and revolutionary life, revolutionary ambition and thug passion, etc., and when he succeeded these multiple dimensions are reflected in his art and are the reasons for his commercial and personal success, even years after his death prophetically relevant to the times lived without him.
References
Chang, J. (2005). Can’t stop, won’t stop: A history of the hip-hop generation. New York: St. Martin’s Press.
Du Bois, W. (2007). The Souls of Black Folk. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Dyson, M. E. (2001). Holler if you hear me: Searching for Tupac Shakur. New York: Basic Civitas Books.
Iwamoto, D. (2003). Tupac Shakur: Understanding the identity formation of hyper-masculinity of a popular hip-hop artist. The Black Scholar, 33(2), 44–49.
Shakur, Tupac, 1971–1996. (1999). The rose that grew from concrete. New York: Pocket Books.
